The biggest struggle in my life has been living with type 1 diabetes. I was diagnosed with type one, or insulin dependent diabetes, at the age of 29, I had no idea how much this illness would impact my life. I heard the medical profession's over and over again: "You can still live a normal life, it's up to you, and how you control your diabetes".
For years I struggled with the definition of "normal". Was being constantly tired "normal"? How about losing my ability to think clearly, as my blood sugar went up and down from the stress of working and raising a family is that "normal"? Or going to dinner at a friend's house, and insisting that dinner be on time, or else one of their guests could suffer dire circumstances... do "normal" people do that? If these things weren't normal, well... then, I must be doing something wrong. Or I was buying into a skewed presumption...
For 17 years, diabetes has held me in its grip of dependence on pharmacies, doctors, and rigid controls. The hope that a cure would be found kept me going when frustration sets in, but never seeming to carry much urgency.
Diabetes is something you never get a break from... and always pay a price for. Because of diabetes, I am different. I have both hidden and been open about my illness from Co-workers and friends.
I have worked hard to lead a "normal" life, but there are days when my illness haunts me with the same fury as when I was diagnosed 17 years ago. When I'm at an event, like a baseball game or at some other kind of event and feel my sugar dropping, the conversation in my head goes like this: "I can't believe it, how could I let this happen?" When I should be telling myself, "This is part of my illness."
When I was diagnosed with diabetes I had no idea what Diabetes was. I was sure it wasn't good, but for all I knew, I'd take antibiotics and be fine in a few weeks. Once the doctor's explained to me I was very upset. I had the usual "Why me?" feelings, and even thought if I ignored it, it might go away. I began to accept it slowly. I spent some time in the hospital that's where I realized it could have been much worse. Most Diabetics are brought into the hospital unconscious. I was lucky enough to have gone to the doctor because I was feeling sick for about a month and had lost 50 or more pounds and the doctor recognized the symptoms. My blood sugar count was well over 700 a normal person is between 70 and 110, they told me it was a miracle that I did not die. I was dehydrated and weak and spent some time in the hospital.
I have largely tried to avoid complications. At this moment in time there is no permanent cure for Diabetes. I live off of a synthesized substitute for insulin which I inject into the fatty tissue into my arms, legs and in my stomach, each day for the past 17 years I get up in the morning stick my finger check my blood glucose give my self an injection of insulin eat exercise and later in the after noon do it all over again, this process happens three times a day for me. I have tried to take care of myself for the past 17 years now, my wife and children and even my close friends are very supportive. This year is quite different, its been a bad year for me, I recently started taking an Ace Inhibitor for my kidneys because i am spilling proteins into my urine and a drug called Neurontin for Diabetic Neuropathy because of the pain in my feet and legs. I was told 17 years ago if I took care of myself I would not have complications from the Diabetes, I am here to tell you that that's just not true, people with Diabetes due get complications and I am proof of that. ..."You know, people think if you have diabetes, you should just be able to handle it..." It's like handling a wild animal... you never know when the beast will go "out of control".
I get angry when people assume that it's my entire fault when I'm having trouble with my illness. Why isn't there a more urgent effort to cure this illness? Why is the amount of money the U.S. government spends on researching a cure minute compared to the amount of money spent on curing AIDS and breast cancer? Did you know that more people die of complications from diabetes every year than from breast cancer and AIDS combined?
It's not enough to simply develop more painless ways to take blood sugar readings. It's time we change our focus. Sixteen million people in this country have diabetes. Billions of national healthcare dollars are spent on treating this illness and its complications. Millions of dollars companies pay for sick leave because their diabetic patients need more time off. Think of the children with diabetes... who must learn at a very young age to lead a life of perfection... who get the message they're being "bad" if they give in to an urge to have one more cookie. Think of those of us, who after years of living with diabetes will develop costly and sometimes deadly complications. And who will undoubtedly get blamed by ignorant people that it's our fault for not taking better care of ourselves. Diabetes accounts for more than 105 billion in annual U.S. health-care costs. Every three minutes one of 16 million Americans who has Diabetes dies of it.
I love life but I have become angry with our government for spending billions of dollars on other countries and not taking care of the people at home, I have become angry with the medical profession for filling me with hope for a cure when realistically billions will be lost by the pharmaceutical companies.
I am thankful for my family and close friends for there support. I think I am losing hope for a cure and the chance to live what is the chance for a normal life, again what is normal. Thanks for listening.
Jim carhuff
Puyallup WA.
e-mail: Jim Carhuff
Kimberly Advent Site Owner